pity me not

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“Pity is a benign form of abuse”, this was said by Michael J. Fox and when you think about it’s actually much worse.

When we pity others we are distancing ourselves from the object of our pity. We are also consciously or unconsciously putting them below us.  “So sorry they are in that predicament by birth, luck, poor choices or whatever”. There is always a tiny creeping voice of judgement of relief in pity. “well I would not have made that choice or thank goodness I wasn’t plagued with that situation”

We cannot connect with someone without a strong feeling of empathy, sympathy and understanding. Pity really does not allow for someone to preserve their self respect, their self esteem.  You must be able to reach a hand out or share a heart to assist and offer emotional support. No one wants help offered with a side of pity.

 

Then there is the worst pity of them all, self pity. Self pity strips you of dignity, choice, self respect and indeed self love. Self pity whispers in your ear “it’s not your fault, it was a tragedy of circumstance, what happened was out of your control”. You can not self manage or indeed care for yourself  if you feel as though you are an object of your own pity.

Self pity distances ourselves from ourselves at the very moment when we are neediest, at the very moment when we need to wrap our arms around ourselves and remember we are always there for ourselves.  We are not wretched, unloved, unlovable creatures suitable only to wallow in pity unless we put ourselves into that particular mud puddle.

We are each wonderful sentient creatures, worthy of respect from ourselves and the world

Don’t ever pity me and I promise to return the favor.

 

ah my old friend fear

 

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there are times when it seems our lives are a study in fear.

The dentist is always a good place to explore the meaning of fear, angst, anxiety and general emotional distress.  We walk in there and sit down in the chair knowing the next half hour or so are going to be less then pleasant. Yet we do so secure in the thought that a short amount of discomfort will bring us long term benefits.

Talk about a leap of faith

Talk about cost / benefit analysis.

sometimes, talk about wishful thinking

but

I’m buying into this one, I have faith …. and a very pretty smile

helping hands

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So many times in my life during a period of darkness or distress someone gave me a glimmer of hope. Many times they were probably not even aware of their actions and the immensity of the results.

A pat on the back, a kind word, an off hand compliment were life lines thrown to a person drowning in the results of their own life.

This is my debt to repay. This must be a purpose that guides my days, weeks and years. This must be my gratitude in action.

This must be my thank you to every one who knowingly or unwittingly saved my life.

This is my commitment

Thank you

 

playing = learning

 

 

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any opportunity to learn something new is perfect. For the past few months I have been asking a friend to help me with some technology set-up and with one stumble and another she just never had the time.

So I did it myself

nice

regrets

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My post from yesterday did not reflect where I am headed in my life so I deleted it.

One of our jobs in this world is to repel the bad, refuse to let the negative affect us and to always move towards the positive. Like flowers moving their faces to the light we need to negate  the opinions and comments that hurt.

When you consider the adversity most people rise above it seems silly to let careless words and thoughtless deeds derail our progress.

so today lets just create our moments of peace without the intrusion of others

seeking imperfection

 

 

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Perfection is so debilitating. It freezes us, makes us question everything about ourselves. Makes us question the very fabric of our being. Are we smart, good, tall, thin creative or witty enough? Did we make a mistake saying that? Could we have tried harder on this or that project?

At first glance this calligraphy piece is okay. It has some nice letter forms, a good tail on the “G” and okay embellishment. Look closer and suddenly we see the upright letters are not parallel, the “F” looks like a capitol in the middle of a sentence and the question mark is just not very good. For a final critique the spacing is terrible and the letters are way too large for the size of the paper.

But you know what? I love this piece just the way it is. This little exercise was written during a period of upheaval. My life was taking an unexpected turn down a side street. One that I certainly had not chosen. So this piece is a cry, a lament “what now, I’m lost, how do I get out of here?”

Had it been perfect it wouldn’t have expressed the feeling that drove me to write that evening. We cannot express ourselves when we are worrying about how we look, or sound , or appear to others. Full expression is very messy stuff.

Artistic expression, or any expression for that matter, comes from the heart and the heart does not care about parallel uprights anymore then the heart cares about proper syntax when it spills itself to another heart.

As we know, in the affairs of the heart (and life), messy is much more rewarding then perfect

 

proper planning pains

 

 

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Calligraphy is all about planning. All. About. Planning! Without planning out spacing and nib size and interlinear area and , and , and, you end up with what happened in the piece above. I ran out of room. I miscounted the number of lines I would need to write this quote and didn’t realize it until three lines from the end. You can tell I realized it three lines from the end because the lettering became sloppy.

Isn’t this what happens in our lives as well?  Happens in mine, here I think I have thought out all possibilities and contingencies for a project or an outing and wham, something comes out of left field and the plans go awry. Once the train-wreck has happens we think “why bother, Why bother trying to fix it or come up with a plan B, It’s already ruined”.

I love this quote, it is by Jon Katz, a favorite author of mine who writes besides best selling books, a wonderful blog “www.BedlamFarm.com” . He wrote this right after a train-wreck in the form of unexpected open heart surgery last week. Instead of whining  he created a plan B, a new reality and probably a better life.

One of the tricks for a happy life is to take a look at these wrecks that happen in our lives and say %$#*&!.

No, really it’s to  just go along with the curve balls and assume something even better will come out of it.  Like making a wrong turn on a car trip and ending up someplace magical instead. Or having to redo a piece or art and ending up with something sublime. Or something so wonderful I haven’t even thought of the possibility yet.

It’s about remaining open to the possibility of awesome, even when we haven’t planned perfectly

accountability

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A friend is visiting Bali and posted a photo of two ducks with a caption saying these ducks would be her dinner. She exclaimed how she wanted her animal protein to be a little less recognizable.

Really?

If you get your duck breasts plastic wrapped from a supermarket or paper wrapped from a butcher does that mean no duck was killed for your dinner?

I’m an omnivore. I eat animals along with many, many vegetables. But here’s the difference, I accept responsibility for my actions and do everything to alleviate the  suffering of animals I eat. Every protein is humanely raised, eggs, chicken, beef and cheese.  Once every year or two someone raises a cow and a few goats for me. They live a bucolic  life with lots of grass, sunshine and treats. They are humanely slaughtered (an oxymoron) and even then I am conscious that something alive has died for my dinner.

This carries over, this is how a life should be lived. We are responsible for our words and the power they have to hurt, help, create and destroy.

a gentle pat on someone’s hand can bring comfort

a harsh word can bring pain

a thoughtless moment can bring grief

ours actions create ripples.

Hopefully my actions create more positive and joyous ripples, even to the cow who will one day be my dinner

Now if only I would stop squashing spiders!